How we Fell in Love
I’m Starting with My Version of How We Fell in Love
All my friends love this story, and I share it with every client, because it reveals that I was exactly like most women.
We Met at a Relationship Course
First you should know, I took one look at Emmett when we met and instantly knew, he was NOT for me. Come on! He didn’t dress in a way that appealed to me. And that grin on his face. Plus he drove a mini van. Besides he was an engineer, and you know what they say about engineers! He wasn’t the worldly kinda guy I was looking for. Before you go further, I have a disclaimer. That was the old me, and I purposefully revealed just how superficial I was, just to give you insight as to why I was still single.
Luckily for me, I wasn’t interested in Emmett, because what happened next was that I was myself. You know what I mean when I say “the guys I am interested in, are not interested in me?” Well the really simple reason for that, is that when I am interested in a guy, I am too busy trying to impress, and ultimately not being myself. (I hope you are taking notes!) Anyway, the feeling was mutual. Emmett took one look at me and was not interested either. Except his reasons were not because of how I looked, it was all about my attitude. I had “don’t bother” written all over my face, and in the air around me.
During our commute to the class a friend arranged for Emmett to take me to the course, since he was attending too, which was a 45 minute drive, we were both being ourselves. Pretensions dropped. I’ll save the details about the conversations we had for another time (they’re a hoot). After all, I need to save some of my best stories for your course. Back to our meeting…
Later, while at the class I had this realization, if I could master everything I was learning in this class, I could have any man I want! I was motivated! As you can guess, I practiced on Emmett. However, I was not the only woman practicing on Emmett. In my opinion there were more attractive women than me, flirting with him. But that’s the point, they were flirting, while I was using some of the distinctions I had learned earlier in the day.
Fast forward, the class is over and Emmett takes me to the airport (I lived in Denver, and came to the San Francisco Bay Area for the course). You can guess what happened next, the uncomfortable moment when he tells me he wants to see me again. Well the course taught me a lot about how to make a man happy, but it didn’t teach me a thing about how to recognize a diamond in the rough or a good guy, or even that I had a broken picker. But because I just finished a course about understanding men better, I was not going to do my usual and reject him, albeit, in my mind I had good reasons. He lived in California and I lived in Colorado. What was the point? I had experienced long distance relationships before and they didn’t work. (lesson hint: this is an example of letting my history dictate my logic and reasoning, and ultimately causing me to find reasons to say NO! to another men). So, the best I could offer was friendship, and to exchange phone numbers.
Getting to Know Each Other
What followed were really great conversations on the phone. Now I am not recommending this as a recipe for getting to know each other, but in lieu of face to face dates, that time on the phone made me more open to him. I started to realize he was not the geeky engineer I presumed he was. He had a great sense of humor (except when he was resorted to dork humor), and I found out he had depth, kindness and compatible values. I appreciated his moral character and we shared common interests. The kind of stuff I would have never known had I followed my pattern of making snap judgments. Plus it was really clear he was into me, and made every effort to make it easy to talk on the phone. He even sent me a cordless phone with a headset, so I wouldn’t hurt my neck while we talked for hours. I bet you know what comes next. He asks me out on a date and I say yes! No! Of course not. I hadn’t learned my biggest lessons yet. I was still “me” looking for a better guy.
Then one day I saw a guy online whose profile read like a dream date. We made plans for a date. For those of you old enough to remember the game “Mystery Date”, I preferred the guy wearing the white dinner jacket. He was my dream date, and Emmett was far from my dream guy. (or so I thought)
I was so excited to go on my blind date with the classy accomplished guy from the dating site. I was thinking, “I will use all the tools I learned from the course, and impress him!” We met for lunch, and after the lunch was over, I looked for a sign that we we’re going on another date, but instead he informs me he is not interested. What!! I’m devastated and embarrassed. I don’t understand. I used all my new skills. Except my new skills were about how to keep a guy, not how to meet and have a guy interested in me. Looking back now, knowing what I now know, I made all the classic mistakes. No wonder he wasn’t interested. But more importantly, too bad I hadn’t fixed my broken picker yet, because then I would have seen he was all wrong for me. He was a pretentious elitist bore. But I couldn’t see that then. I still had my rose colored, ” fooled by impression” glasses on.
Feeling rejected and dejected, I called Emmett for comfort. Right or wrong, at least I knew where to go for some healing. I didn’t tell him I was rejected, but I knew his attentiveness would make me feel better. Longer story short, I agreed to a date finally. He would drive to Denver to visit for me for a long weekend. That weekend was a success, enough that I agreed to visit him in California. I took one look at his bachelor furnished house and had to swallow my opinions and focus on who he was being. During that long weekend, he really courted me. Took me to his favorite place in California, Big Sur, and really treated me to a great adventure. During that time, I started to really appreciate him. Seeing him for who he really is. Met his friends and family. Got the know him and saw just how much people loved him. It was really endearing.
After my failed date, conversations with Emmett were more frequent, longer and deeper. Eventually he invited me out to California for the Christmas / New Years week, and everything felt so natural and comfortable. So much so, that on New Year’s eve, he asked me to marry him at a party with his friends. I said yes. And then life aligned, because two months later, the company I was working for was closing down and I was free to move to California. We eloped four months later in a really spontaneous magical way. We’ve been together ever since. We are best friends and great partners.
Now for Emmett’s version, notice how succinct it is! Don’t you just love men!
Here’s Emmett’s Version:
We met in October of 2000, and married nine months later.
We started by being friends on the telephone (long distance), after taking the course. There was something about Denise that sparked my interest, so I asked her out on a date. The best she offered was to be friends. After all, we lived in separate states, she did not see the point in a long distance relationship.
After many hours on the phone, Denise starting seeing me as more than a friend. The turning point was when we had a frank conversation about what Denise really wanted. Because of that course, she was able to get to the core of what the man of her dreams would be. Then seeing some possibility, I declared myself to be the man of her dreams and asked for a date in Colorado in November of 2000.
By then, we were talking three to six hours every day. Next, I invited Denise to California for our second date. On our third date, Denise came back to California for a whole week between Christmas and New Years. That week was magical.
On New Year’s Eve, at the stroke of midnight in front of 30+ friends and family, I asked Denise to marry me. There was no doubt in my mind, or hers, that we would spend the rest of our lives together. Denise moved to California in February of 2001. We eloped that following July.
Moral of Our Story:
I’d like to point out the not so obvious. Even though we met in a relationship course and that course opened my eyes to how I failed in all my former relationships and I thought had new tools to clear my path to love, clearly it didn’t fix my broken picker. Plus, it didn’t teach me nearly enough about men and how to break through my undiscovered barriers to love. Luckily for me, Emmett was so sweet and devoted, that in time I figured it out. And then for the next two years, I became obsessed with fine tuning my understanding about men and how to have a successful relationship. All those lessons in that laboratory called our relationship is why I gained so much clarity and why I chose as my inexhaustible vocation, to help single women how to see beyond their own barriers to love success. As you can see by my story telling, we have fun! So much fun! And I have the honor and joy of awakening so many women, resulting in many success stories about becoming open their own great love. I even wrote a book and developed an online program expressly to help women fix their broken picker. It’s all part of the plan. The Soulmate Plan™. Would you like to hear the story about why and how SoulMate Plan™ was created?
If you missed it, here is Emmett’s story about his path to love.