"Oh, you are so wonderful, pookie."
"No, it's you who is wonderful, pet!"
"I get chills up my spine when you call me pet!"
"Oh, I just want to eat you up, you are so cute, you are so sweet, you are my sweet cake!"
Honestly, I am surprised they don't tell us about their bowel movements.
I imagine it would sound something like this:
"Wow, I feel great snookie, but I think I broke the toilet."
"Oh you are so funny pookie! It just means you are the strongest man ever!"
"I don't know, I think it was that huge yummy dose of my sugar pie that filled me up!"
"Oh, snuggems, I can't wait till you come downstairs from the bathroom, I miss you so!"
You know what that means, don't you! He has his phone with him, while he was conversing with the porcelain throne, and couldn't wait to get downstairs, he has to post it on facebook. You might think it's too ridiculous to be true, but I'm hardly exaggerating with my examples. So you gotta wonder, what are they thinking? Do they really think we want to hear about every personal interaction in their relationship? Have they forgotten how to use the phone, the intercom, or even yell down the stairs?! Why are they subjecting us to this? What have we ever done to them? Do they feel the need to prove their love for each other by making every word public? Or do they simply think it makes them look good?
In any case, now that Facebook and texting have begun to replace the under-appreciated traditions of phone calling and letter writing, maybe this is the new version of the PDA! I don't know about you, but I prefer some public hugging and kissing over this form of PDA, any day!
You've probably been subjected to the same torture at some point, and now we are faced with the daunting question: How can we get them to stop? Do we tell them they are embarrassing themselves? Do we just say, "Please, if there is any mercy in your heart, stop polluting my Facebook feed with your infernal gooeyness!" Well, I noticed no one ever says a thing, at least not on Facebook. Since un-friending them is not a friendly option, my solution is to just "hide" her activity, so I don't have to see it anymore. They'll still have whatever satisfaction they get out of thinking they're exchanging these icky words in front of everyone they know, and we won't have to be tortured for it! It's a win-win!
If this persists long enough, others will think of my solution on their own. Then one day, when they really have news, like he popped the question, none of us will know, because they forgot how to use the phone, and we all are hiding from their posts, only they won't know it. Then they will wonder why no one congratulated them.
What would you do if you had to listen to this stuff? Or what did you do?