At first I thought, wow, this woman must be young, to be presenting such a dangerous focus: Women should only focus on what men want!
While her list is accurate, it is also incomplete, She is only presenting one side of the equation. I believe the biggest downfall of relationships today, is that women focus too much on making her man happy, and as a result are neglecting the importance of their own happiness. The flaw in her presentation is that she never outlined that men fall in love with women who are happy and living fulfilling lives. Nor does she include how important it is to start out a relationship providing men with helpful information about what makes you happy. Nor does she discuss how important it is to encourage you to find balance between pleasing your man and teaching him to honor you. You could argue that she is simply giving advice about what men want. But the truth is, in our society, women have been brought up with the wrong ideas about men. Seriously, the reason why there are so many failed relationships is because women start relationships by being over achievers at taking care of men. The biggest mistake women make is demonstrating that we don't need anything, because we can take care of ourselves. Men don't want that. They want a balance. And you should want that too! The way women start relationships has got to change!
Think about it! Isn't there somewhere in your thinking, that to be attractive to men you need to be:
- Low maintenance
- Self sufficient
- Just as capable as a man
- Emote and talk like men do
At a young age, women start off focusing on what men want, and never realize they are giving away their power. For example, the message we get as young women is that we are a tease if we don't give into a boy's sexual needs. That in some way, we are wrong for not honoring his urges and not pleasuring him. The message starts early and it builds and builds until you have givin up all your free time to care for the house and kids, while he doesn't notice, Because he was encouraged by you that it's his right to enjoy his leisure pursuits. Well I am here to present you with a wake up call. YOU CREATED that MONSTER!
Women never realize that when you started off guessing and anticipating his every need as a way of showing how you love him, you also trained him to fail to notice you and your needs and wants. I believe this is why so many relationships are doomed to divorce. Why? Because your early message is, "no, I don't need anything" or "I can get it" Congratulations, you successfully made him feel like a king. Where does that leave you? Even if he starts off treating you like his queen, many of you don't see how you reject his efforts, because you were trained by generations of women to be modest.
I hope I get this point across and inspire you to think and act differrent than that, because it's so vital formula for successfull relationships. If your major focus and approach to finding love is to "BE what men will love" you will unwittingly create a relationship where the man is spoiled and you are taken for granted. It's great to spoil the person you love. But women today and for centuries have empowered men to think and feel that their happiness is the focus of a relationship.
Here are some triggers that you are creating a one sided relationship:
- "Be quiet when you dad comes home, he had a hard day"
- Letting the man choose (exclusively) what to do on dates
- Acquiessing to what he wants to do, because he won't want to do what you want to do
- Never spending time with your friends or other couples, because he wants you all to himself
- Giving up on your interests, to spend more time with him
- Keeping the house clean to his standards, while he does nothing
- Doing all the cooking, cleaning and house chores
- Being a 24 hour mom, while he spends his time relaxing
- Notciing what he doesn't like, while he never notices your likes or needs
- You keep quiet about what bothers you because he doesn't want to talk about it
Women are better at noticing what men like, and don't even notice in the process that they displaced their own needs and desires to the back burner. The problem started when you were dating. You gave him all the power, honors and trimmings as part of the dating rituals. Some of you don't even notice that when he asked you what you want or would like to do, you respond with some version of "Oh, whatever you want to do!". That's fine in moderation or even in balance, but when you do it often, or worse, all the time, you are sealing the deal on the rest of your life. You unknowingly just trained him to focus on himself, and that he doesn't need to do anything to have you be happy.
When men are courting you, their nature is to discover what will make you happy. Ever notice there is this one common line in almost every "romance movie", where the guy says" "I just want to make you happy!" There are 3 terribly important clues in that famous phrase.
- He likes being the provider of your happiness
- Your happiness is his greatest accomplishment as your man
- Your happiness makes him happy
To over simplify the lesson here: Men measure their success as a "partner" by your happiness and his ability to provide it. I could launch into a whole lesson about the do's and don'ts of men's goal for your happiness. But if you can walk away from this article empowered by the idea that you should stop being all about "his happiness" and how to be what "he would love", and know that the greatest magical reality for men, is when he sees you are happy, he is full of love!
The Balanced Approach
Now let's not make a diva out of you. I am not suggesting you become "all about you". The full success is when their is equality in each other's happiness.
Be The Conductor
You have a new role. When it's clear that a guy is into you, you must learn how to be the conductor to your happiness. Your guy might not know how to go about seeking your happiness. Men are not wired to be as observant to your happiness as women are. Of course there are exceptions, but to a large extent, men don't translate the data and remember the details, like women do. So the secret is that women should not expect men to "see" the clues to her happiness, but instead help men to be winners. He wants to know, even if he may not notice what is obvious to women, don't assume he does not care.
Every Happy Relationship Includes a Happy Woman
I know some of you are confused right now, and some don't see how you give your power away. You might be asking, how do I let a man know what I want, without being bossy? Don't beat yourself up, this is going to require some retraining. I recommend you read books and take courses. Get on our mailing list, so when we offer teleseminars or courses, you will be alerted. Whatever it takes to learn this skill. It's very important. It's the key to every happy relationship.